It can be simple....

Life that is. We are the ones that make it so complicated. I use to think that life was complicated. But the options are simple, when you look at them.

You can start right at the beginning of my life, and look at all the things that happened to my family. Once, it was complete with the Mother, the Father, the brother, the house, the pool, the playrooms, the hot tubs, the parties, a fincancial sense of security. My parents were very sucessful in the 80's. But they were not so successful with their marriage. Infidelity broke my family up. Like so many others - my brother and I left our big house, and moved into a more moderate house with our Mother, who then raised us single handedly while our father moved on to what he thought would be greener pastures. While forgetting his responsibilities to support his kids both financially and emotionally. Our Mother didn't skip a beat when she realized she needed to sell the Waterbed business, and start up another company on her own. We all know that she was the brains behind the business in the first place, and my father was the front man. She did what she needed to do.

Her life had changed 360 degrees, and she was starting on to a new path where she was left with 2 small kids to look after. She remembered her Mother - a single mother to 3 kids, in the 1960's when it was unheard of to leave your cheating & abusive husband. Nana worked hard and long hours doing whatever jobs she could to support her 3 girls. She was too proud to get food stamps, or hand outs of any kind. The 2 older girls had to cook the meals, clean the house and help in whatever way they could. Nana couldn't do everything, and they knew they had no choice. It was simple.

Both of these incredible women did what they needed to make money to feed us, clothe us, and water us. Despite all of the unbelieveable challenges that they were faced with...they always made it look simple. The reality of it all is that I know it wasn't easy for them. Understanding more about their struggles during the later years in my life has made this clear.

While their situations were similar, they both faced very different challenges to overcome. Their options were limited; accept the situation that you have...do the best with what you've got. Or, don't accept anything, and live an unhappy and miserable life, feeling defeated.

Life can be complicated, if you allow it. But you decide yor fate. You decide your happiness. You decide how to succeed tomorrow, and forgive for yesterday.

The choice is simple.

Fear.

To define it: "A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid."

What if there is no immediate obvious danger looming? Is it then our imagination to blame for the hollowness that it creates? The unknowing, the fear of the unknown.

Where does this emotion come from? Why do we feel it as often as we do? It is our natural instinct to protect what we have, and our loved ones. Protect: "To defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss; cover or shield from injury or danger". We often protect out of fear.

Fear is natural, it makes us human. It is important that we are aware of it, and understand that it comes from a place of love. In the meantime, we should keep remembering that "The only thing to fear is fear itself".

Today, I choose to not allow my fears to take over. I choose to belive that my loved ones are safe: "Free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk".

To all the Mama's....

My Mamma's.....you know who you are. You are amazing women. Your bodies have been through amazing things. You have managed to survive 9 months ++ of growing bellies, back aches, feet aches, head aches, heart aches, cankle aches, leg aches, and various other aches that should not be listed here.

You have gone through the incredible emotinoal roller coaster from finding out you were having a baby (For some planned, and others...well....a pleasant surprise!) to reading about each trimester, and then actually experieincing it for real. Your hormones have taught you new levels of ups and downs. Your daily contemplations of "Am I doing this right?" have always been proven correct when you surrender to your natural instincts.

Like thousands of women before you, spread over centuries of time - you have learned how precious and utterly amazing motherhood is.

I have watched you all. I have listened, and I have learned. Each day is a blessing, and every moment I spend with your bundles of love and I am thankful to be a part of your changing worlds.

The 10% Journey

So far, my blogging has mostly been about personal things, little comments, observations about life, ups and downs. Another topic to discuss, which is one of the main reasons that I started blogging in the first place, is my choice to re-focus my lifestyle by following the Weight Watchers program. I am one of those "Loose 30 lbs, Gain 30 lbs" kinda gals. Always have been. (Mind you, the gaining and loosing always takes place over 2-3 year span each time - which, from what I have been reading - is quite common). However, I would like to stop buying the larger pants, and just continue getting smaller ones.

Regardless, here I am - trying it again. I will succeed, I know how to. I have done this before. I just wanted to mention it, because I may have comments about it from time to time. The ups, the downs, the wins, the losses, the celebrations.

The 10% Journey. As of today, I am about 1/3 of the way there. This is my first goal. Loose 10% of my total body weight. Then, I see how I feel - and re-evaluate. Maybe go for the 2nd 10%...?

Welcome to the Journey.

Wishin' and Hopin'...

The traffic light is red as I approach, I slow down to a rolling pace. If the light turns green before I stop - then I release my wish.

Numbers. Counting cracks in the sidewalk, stairs in the flight I am walking, number of cables on a bridge, odd numbers. They are the best. If it ends at an odd number, then I release my wish.

Birthday Candles, always a classic.

A favorite song comes on the radio at the perfect time, when I am in desperate need of a smile, and I release my wish.

Opening the door to the crisp night's air, and taking in a deep breath. I look up for a shining star, if I see one immediately, then I close my eyes and release my wish.

I use to wish often. Quite often actually. It may sound silly, but this is something that I have always done, ever since I was a little girl. I am not a superstitious person, I just like to think of what is "Out there". I send my good vibes into the universe, and wish for them to come back to me, and enrich my soul.

Why is it that I don't wish as often as I use to? Most likely because I am in a great place in my life. I am happy. Content. Safe. Less guarded. Blessed. Most of all, I am greatful.

I am living the wishes that I have longed for. There are a few within me still to be cast, but I know they will appear when I am ready to release them, but for now, I am greatful to be living and experiencing the things I have been wishin' and hopin' for.

Make your wish. You have to acknowledge the things that you want in life in order to make them happen.

A Genuine Hello

It is nice when complete strangers take the time to acknowledge each other, with a genuine hello. Why don't we do this more often?? Not a head nod, a raising of the eyebrow, or a flip of the hand. But a genuine "Good Morning, how are you today?"

Every morning at 6:45am, I pick up a coffee at my local coffee shop, to kick start my day. I always see the "regulars"....a table of 4 ladies who gossip and chitchat about this and that. Sometimes we exchange hellos, but normally a wave or head nodd will do just fine, as I am in and out like a dog in heat.

Today, there was a guy sitting outside, having his coffee by himself. I walked up and said "Good Morning, how are you today?" He looked shocked, but pleased all at the same time. He responded: "I am excellent, and yourself?". I said "Great thanks!!"
I went in, got my Large Dark Roast, and walked back towards my car. To my surprise - he said "Have a great Day!!", and I responded with "You too, have a good one!!"

This is simple stuff, I know. You might even be questioning why I am mentioning it. It made me smile, that's why. It just felt good. We all tend to be so busy sometimes that we don't take the time acknowledge each other as living human beings. Not via email, or text message. But just with a genuine hello. Try it sometime.

Super Tunes

I love music. I just always have. It really doesn't matter to me what kind it is, as long as it keeps me entertained. I like all different beats, and nearly all genres.

I am very greatful to have my pretty pink iPOD, that my awesome boyfriend bought me last Christmas. My fear of such intense technology stopped me from getting one for years. But now, I am good. I am learning. The CD's have been copied to my laptop, and the iPOD is fully loaded. I will admit that it has taken me nearly a year to fully understand this process - but the pyramids weren't built in one day either. But now that I can do it myself, I feel very proud and impowered with my Super Tunes always at my side.

Mucic evokes emotion for me. I think that is normal for most people. I can be in a crazy happy state (which is often), and then hearing a classic ballad from a Grade 8 Dance can make me all weepy. Seriously, what is that? And why is that? I blame it on the power of the Super Tunes.

The Super Tunes to me are the ones that always "Get You". The ones that you have cried over, laughed about, danced to, and have shared some serious memories with. They are the ones that bring you back, to wherever/whenever you were the last time you heard the song. Sometimes not even that.....sometimes they just evoke thought. The lyrics get you. Those powerful words, paired with a melody that somehow can completely take over your current state of being. They just do, and they can.

Thank-you Super Tunes for being a part of my life. You have always been there for me, making me smile, laugh, and always willing to lend your hand in getting the party started.

A scream to remember.

As mentioned in my previous post - times have been a bit difficult lately. (Sorry that I have been absent for a little while, but I think you can understand). With the passing two very good friends of mine within the last 9 months, I figure I am doing my best to trooper on in life...But, with each day comes new emotions, and with each emotion comes new revelations.

One revelation for certain is that I have a lot in my life that I am greatful for. I am a strong beliver that all things happen for a reason, and that people come into your life for a purpose, and you continue to enjoy everyday as if it were your last. But, with all that being said - the mourning process of loosing a loved one is something that I wish I could sumbit a hall pass for.

Roughly 2 weeks ago, we had the Funeral & Celebration of Life. Nearly 100 people, some strangers, and some friends. All of us feeling the heartache, shock, loss, denial, and complete surreal emotions that take over your entire body when you attend these events. We listened to the Priest and the speakers. We watched the photo show, we laughed, and we cried. We praised the memory of our good friend. I wrote & delivered the Eulogy, which was by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to write, and then read. How can one begin to capture the unforgetable existence of such an remarkable person that left our earth way too early? I pray that my words helped bring her back to life for just one more moment - to help us remember, help us to celebrate her, and help us heal.

That was a hard day. The hardest ever. The emotions. Her fight was over. She was at peace. And now we were left to start healing. Too much for one day. Although there had been months of suffering leading to this moment, it's nearly impossible to prepare for the finalization of it all. The finalization of her life. And the releasing of our tears, and whatever else followed.

I cried. I could have balled - and never stopped. But, I had a Eulogy to deliver. I had to keep it together. Her courageous strength inspired me. I could feel her surround us, and pray for our laughter to dry up our tears. The way her contagious laughter could change any moment. And then later....it happened.

I was in the ladies room. There was 2 very small stalls, and a sink.

Stall #1: Me, doing my business.
Stall #2: Lady enters, starts doing her business.

Stall #2: "Hey, are you a friend of M's?"
Stall #1: Small chuckle, as we are the only group there. "Yeah".

Stall #2: "Chatter, chatter, chatter".....sorry - I can't remember all the words.....This was after a few cocktails.

Stall #1: "Chatter back", then the laughter starts. It comes from no where, about nothing. Then there is some hooting and hollering, and screaming....and yelling, and more laughter.

We meet at the sink. (We never knew each other prior to the funeral). We laugh harder. We scream, like we have never screamed before. We are yelling now. Happy yelling. Crazy Yelling. We are letting go. We can feel her there. We know she was screaming too.

We are grabbing on to each other's arms for support, as we are nearly falling over. Tears of joy start to roll...we continue screaming. Carelessly. Two grown women - screaming in the Ladies room for nearly 2 full minutes.

We exit, still laughing, still smiling. We walk down the short hallway, and there is a bunch of people looking to see who the crazy ladies are that they could hear screaming so profoundly. We walked out with pride, and no shame.

That my release. My turn to let go. My scream to remember.

The Call....

Have you ever received a call that you knew would change your life?
Have you ever had a visit with someone that you knew would change your entire existence?

I have had "Oh too many calls" in my life to care to remember. Most of them have been positive. Most of them have been from friends telling me that they are getting married, or they are pregnant. Those are the good calls. The calls that you wait eagerly for. They are the calls that you dream about. The calls that you wish you made, and the calls that you are greatful to receive.

The calls that I am referring to, are the calls that can suddenly turn your world upside-down. The calls that remind you that life is short. They are the calls that you wish you didn't answer. Although, they are the calls that remind you just how precious this life that we live really is.

I received a call a few months ago, from one of my BFF's. She told me that another BFF of ours has been in a serious traffic accident, and that she did not survive. She had suddenly passed away, from a terrible terrible motor vechicle accident.

That was a shock. What the F$#&k are you talking about? What do you mean? She is gone. Her life is over. What you knew of her is no longer. She has rose above, to the heaven's. She is at peace.

I'm sorry, but what did you say? What do you mean? My friend that was just with me a few short months ago, celebrating the summer with me....she is gone? What on earth do you mean?

We celebrated her life, in style. We made sure that she had the most wonderful farewell that you could ever imagine. She lived in style, and therfore, she should rest in style.

A few months ago, I got another call...to tell me that another friend of mine that we loved, and respected has been diagnosed with a fatal brain disease. She has been admitted to the Hospital, and she will not survive. She has changed, forever more. she will never be the same. Her life is extremely limited, and she will not be around, as we knew her anymore. She has been permanently altered.

That is that. So deal with it. That is the reality. There is no room for negotiation. It is what it is. And that is true.

My loves, my BFF's....why on earth did you need to leave this planet so early? Why did you have to go sooooo soon? We haven't even shared what we were meant to share....there is so much more to endure together.

To you, my beloved friends, I love you.

I am greatful for you.

I am the woman that I am today, as a result of the friendship that we have maintained.

Thank-you.

You are my strength, you are my rocks.

live. love. laugh...like today is the last. And be greatful for it.

xoxox

Why so Angry....?

Angry. Some people are so Angry.
Why so angry, I ask?
Why do you frown all the time?
Those little lines will catch up with you...and tattoo your face with anger and hate.

Whatever it is that ails you, just take a breath, and smile.
I promise, it will feel better than your constant frowning.
Smiling feels great. It just does. It is simple.

Humour me, and try it for just one day.
You don't even have to show your teeth.
Just move the corners of your mouth towards your eyebrows.

Other people will notice your smile.
Your frown will make them run away.

You can change your life with a smile, and possibly someone else's.

Feast for Kings (1st entry of many...)

For approximately the past eight years or so... (How many years has Survivor been on television?)....myself, and about 6-7 of my best buds have been getting together for our weekly viewing of Survivor, oh - and we have a bite to eat as well. As I am no longer the 7th wheel, there is a total of 4 couples involved. (Which works out to 3 dinners per couple, per season). Let's do some math. 8 years x 2 seasons per year x 12 episodes per season = Roughly 192 Viewings +/-. Wow, that's a lot of TV. Ok, back to the food....

When I mention that we have a "Bite to eat" during the viweing, let me assure you this is no regular dinner. For some, this might compare to a Sunday night family feast of Roast Beef. You come, you eat, you drink, you laugh, you go to bed full. For us, it needs no other definition besides "Survivor Dinner". Which means: Eat only Salad on Thursdays.

Allow me to re-cap a few Menus for you, to try and fathom what I am saying. (Most meals are homemade from scratch, with only a handful of times when Take Out Menu's were required..due to scheduling issues....that's right, we have a schedule!)

Homemade Lasagne, of all types....
Baked Spaghetti, Spag & Meat Balls, I'm sure there has been more...
Pad Thai, Chicken Peanut Satay.
Chicken Parm, with Garlic breath for a week ceasar salad. (mmmm...!)
Homemade Won-Tons Soup, Beef & Brocolli, Fried Rice, Gyozas
Roasted Chicken & All the fixin's...
BBQ'd EVERYTHING: Burgers, Pork, Steaks, Prawns, Kebobs, Potats, Veg
Mexican Feast: Big Ass Taco Salads, Burrito's, Encilladas
Split Pea & Ham Soup....kjkljsdf....oops, sorry - I was drooling.
Slow Cooked Duck / a la French Dinner...
Traditional Greek...Garlic, Feta, more Garlic, more Feta.
Breakfast for Dinner...who doesn't LOVE breakfast for dinner?

Ok, that is only a handful....I will share more later...Let us not forget that the above is only dinner. This does not include appys, dessert, and booze consumption.

Stay tuned for further entries....wear a bib...you will need it.

Pink and Proud.

They are my favorite of the tree species. They only bloom for about 10-14 days of the year. They appear after the harsh winter cold subsides, to signify the turning of the seasons.

Each year, they make me want to grab my camera to take their photo to capture their gentle innocence. They are the bravest little pink puffs I have ever met. Their life is so short and delicate. It doesn't seem to bother them, they stay faithful to Mother Nature, and appear every year without fail. They are pink and they are proud.

I don't know what it is about those little fluffy cherry blossoms that brings such peace into my heart. The moment I smell them coming, I feel like a child on Christmas morning. I love driving down the streets that have trees on both sides - that is my wonderland. My mind is rid of any worries, and replaced by the serenity of blossoms.

Soon, their petals will blow off into the wind, and I will patiently await my little friends to bloom again.

Lifelong BFF's....

You know what I'm talking about, right? Please tell me that at some point during your time so far on this planet that you have had the pleasure of calling at least one of your good buddy's your BFF...? If you haven't, then let me take a moment for those of you lost soles to explain to you what a BFF is. When you hear the term BFF, people are referring to someone who is their "Best Friend Forever"...their BFF. It's quite the term, really. This is a term that should be used for someone that has been a part of your everyday to day life, living, and learning with you every step of the way - through all of the times good, and the times bad. They have been there for you late at night, when you cannot sleep, when the world comes to a grinding hault, when your surroundings are closing in, and you can barely breathe.

They have been there for the fantastic times too, the times that you burst out laughing hysterically, at something that was so funny, both of you couldn't stop giggling, and your stomach hurts from it all. Then you wake up the next day - thinking of what a great time that you had with your BFF, and you can't for the life of you remember why you were laughing so hard, but it was sure fun!

That's what your BFF is about. They are about all things good. All things that help you get through the day. They are there to listen and share with you their thoughts, dreams, and desires in life. They are there to keep you on the right track. They pump you up when you are down, and laugh with you once the latest drama passes.

I am greatful. I am a very blessed woman to have as many BFF's as I have had. I'm not trying to brag here, but I really do have a lof of quality BFF's in my life. Some of them, I have known since I was 6 years old. That is well over 20 years of friendship. True Friendship. Lasting Friendship. 20 years of Birthdays, 20 Christmas's, 20 Summers, 20 New Year's. That is a lot of time spent with a lot of people. That is a lot of memories. Some other BFF's have been around since my adolescent & teenage years, and some joined my life in my 20's. All of whom have influenced my life incredible amounts. I am who I am today as a result of my past with these people. Without them, I would not exist. I would not be the same person that I am if I didn't have my BFF's.

I ask you all to think, and remember all the people that you have in your life, either at present, or past. Just think about the amazing times that you have shared, and the lessons learned together. Once your senses get all 'warm and fuzzy' - remember that joy, and tuck it deep within your soul. Genuine friendship is the most amazing gift that anyone could ever ask for. Cherish it, hold it close, and never let it go. Protect it. Keep it safe.

To all my BFF's - Thank-you for being you, and Thank-you for being a part of my life. Your Friendship has meant the world to me!

Much Love, forever & always...

Chillax People.

Do you ever wonder why people get so worked up about things? Why does life need to be so complicated? It really doesn't you know. We should keep it as simple as possible. There are a lot of complicated things in this world to deal with, on a regular basis. Politics, War, World Hunger, Earth Preservation, you name it - those major issues are out there. Those are the issues that require a great deal of commitment from many people to change. Although, everyone's individual contribution is as important to ensure a positive outcome on all accounts, ok... back to the day to day stuff.

But seriously, there is a something to be said for taking a break, and saying less when it feels as though the world is against you. The world is not aginst you. You choose you own reaction to the situations that life presents you. You are the one who decides how you respond when w co-worker does something that agrivates you. You are the one to decide how you respond to your spouse when they leave their dirty socks all over the house. You are the one to decide how you feel about everything. This is not rocket science. Most of us just choose to make it more complicated than that. We blame others. We blame life, and circumstances that are "beyond our control".

All I am trying to say today is that we should stop, think, take a deep breath - and then decide how we feel about something before we respond. Our words can be short, but their echoes are endless.

Stop. Think. Clarify.

Blog Virgin

Today, I created this Blog. I am not a blogger. I don't even know what blog means, although I see Wikipedia has an interesting description. All I know is that I use to write in a journal, and for some reason I don't do it very often anymore. Life happens, as "they" say. Who are 'they' anywyays?

Anyhow, welcome to my Blog. I hope you enjoy my mindless rambling on, I have a lot to say. I warn you. Retreat now. I decided to try this as a place to log my random thoughts about my journey in life, as I have done in my countless journals. And now, I decide to share some tid-bits with you. The Strangers. Enjoy.

Live. Love. Laugh. Often.