A scream to remember.

As mentioned in my previous post - times have been a bit difficult lately. (Sorry that I have been absent for a little while, but I think you can understand). With the passing two very good friends of mine within the last 9 months, I figure I am doing my best to trooper on in life...But, with each day comes new emotions, and with each emotion comes new revelations.

One revelation for certain is that I have a lot in my life that I am greatful for. I am a strong beliver that all things happen for a reason, and that people come into your life for a purpose, and you continue to enjoy everyday as if it were your last. But, with all that being said - the mourning process of loosing a loved one is something that I wish I could sumbit a hall pass for.

Roughly 2 weeks ago, we had the Funeral & Celebration of Life. Nearly 100 people, some strangers, and some friends. All of us feeling the heartache, shock, loss, denial, and complete surreal emotions that take over your entire body when you attend these events. We listened to the Priest and the speakers. We watched the photo show, we laughed, and we cried. We praised the memory of our good friend. I wrote & delivered the Eulogy, which was by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to write, and then read. How can one begin to capture the unforgetable existence of such an remarkable person that left our earth way too early? I pray that my words helped bring her back to life for just one more moment - to help us remember, help us to celebrate her, and help us heal.

That was a hard day. The hardest ever. The emotions. Her fight was over. She was at peace. And now we were left to start healing. Too much for one day. Although there had been months of suffering leading to this moment, it's nearly impossible to prepare for the finalization of it all. The finalization of her life. And the releasing of our tears, and whatever else followed.

I cried. I could have balled - and never stopped. But, I had a Eulogy to deliver. I had to keep it together. Her courageous strength inspired me. I could feel her surround us, and pray for our laughter to dry up our tears. The way her contagious laughter could change any moment. And then later....it happened.

I was in the ladies room. There was 2 very small stalls, and a sink.

Stall #1: Me, doing my business.
Stall #2: Lady enters, starts doing her business.

Stall #2: "Hey, are you a friend of M's?"
Stall #1: Small chuckle, as we are the only group there. "Yeah".

Stall #2: "Chatter, chatter, chatter".....sorry - I can't remember all the words.....This was after a few cocktails.

Stall #1: "Chatter back", then the laughter starts. It comes from no where, about nothing. Then there is some hooting and hollering, and screaming....and yelling, and more laughter.

We meet at the sink. (We never knew each other prior to the funeral). We laugh harder. We scream, like we have never screamed before. We are yelling now. Happy yelling. Crazy Yelling. We are letting go. We can feel her there. We know she was screaming too.

We are grabbing on to each other's arms for support, as we are nearly falling over. Tears of joy start to roll...we continue screaming. Carelessly. Two grown women - screaming in the Ladies room for nearly 2 full minutes.

We exit, still laughing, still smiling. We walk down the short hallway, and there is a bunch of people looking to see who the crazy ladies are that they could hear screaming so profoundly. We walked out with pride, and no shame.

That my release. My turn to let go. My scream to remember.